So we're back and I'm writing for all you again... ...Yeah, it's been a few years, doesn't mean I've cheered up at all though, in fact, if anything, I am perfecting my aging grumpiness like a fine wine.
So, you might ask, what's got me mad enough to stir this old pot of stinking webshit up again...
Every game since we last wrote pretty much. The industry has sunk to new lows, the 'next gen' is basically had about as much graphical improvement and innovation as a hard disk defrag does. There is more DLC hold backs than ever. There are less games than ever (although apparently this isn't true, I swear games used to come out way more often when I was a kid - and yeah, that probably was because they were like 2mb not 54GB to be fair).
So what am I going to focus on for you?
Well, I recently bought a PS4, and with it; somegames disapointments. Actually that's pretty unfair, I've been playing my PS4 a lot more than I thought I would, and a darn site more than I should be considering my gaming PC got a huge, expensive overhaul this xmas season (more on that another time). So what have I been playing you ask? Just Cause 3 I say.
So, you might ask, what's got me mad enough to stir this old pot of stinking webshit up again...
Every game since we last wrote pretty much. The industry has sunk to new lows, the 'next gen' is basically had about as much graphical improvement and innovation as a hard disk defrag does. There is more DLC hold backs than ever. There are less games than ever (although apparently this isn't true, I swear games used to come out way more often when I was a kid - and yeah, that probably was because they were like 2mb not 54GB to be fair).
So what am I going to focus on for you?
Well, I recently bought a PS4, and with it; some
It's a game about firing a grappling hook and an RPG all day, what more could you wa-RRRRRGHGHGLLLLLLLLGHH....
So yeah, I mean, I'm not impressed by anything on the PS4 other than how fast I can switch from a shitty game to watching Netfux, but really, honestly, it's been quite a disappointment so far.
I bought the mega cool looking limited addition, all singing, all dancing, robotic blowjob model, 500GB Latest and Greatest, Michael Jackson, Bad, Dangerous, Off the fuckin' wall, Metal Gear Solid 5 model. Yeah, it looks sexy in red/gold/black, with custom grey metal controller and DD logo... So imagine how gutted I was when I started playing fucking MGS5. If you haven't played it, it's an amazing game - for the first hour - it blew me away, and I was as excited as could be - then the gameplay somewhat reached a plateau in ingenuity - it became routine. So fuck it, buy another game I told myself - Fallout 4 - Another disappointment - graphically looked like a ported update to New Vegas, not on par with all I'd seen on the PS4 at this stage (MGS5 - which does look awesome) Still I finished it and then had a huge hole in my PS4 life - what the hell do I do now - Look around for games... WHAT'S THIS?! Just Cause 3 is out?! Fuuuuu---- How didn't I hear about it?! - turns out no one did, it just sort of appeared on shelves, 'Sneaky fucking game developing wombles are to blame' I thought to myself as I ordered it from eGay.
It arrived next day, so had to have a go as soon as i got home - now, I should mention at this stage, I have moved to North Wales recently; where the internet is stuck in 56k modems being delivered by postmen with no legs. I've honestly had better broadband in the bottom of a cornflake box when I lived in the big city - but only a 2gb patch on a game this big is not bad - unless you live here - 45 minutes of playing on the awkwardly titled 'Boom Boom Island' - Not what I thought it was going to be if you know what I mean...
Boom Boom Island was uninhabited... Didn't stop me getting some boom boom lemme tell ya...
So when I finally get into the game, was it worth the wank/wait? Yeah, it's quite pretty, despite the huge and occasionally burdening frame rate issues (a common occurrence on the PS4 in my experience) and especially when I am comparing it to a lovely, new, high end PC.
Gameplay-wise, it's hugely enjoyable in short bursts, massively action packed, challenging but fluid, with perfect controls and enough plot to justify the ridiculously over the top, blow it all to fuck and then blow that fuck to shit attitude. It does however suffer with Assassin Creed-itus - in that it's very much go here, do the same thing you just did over and over - but at least what that last thing was, was being fucking awesome and blow shit up with a grenade launcher before flinging yourself like a BDSM spiderman at some indescript minion using a grappling hook that defies the laws of physics before stealing one of about 400 vehicles to go fuck his sister in, where as Ezio had to have a bit of a sit on a bench, then a bit of a slow walk with some nuns or something.
It's also, HUGE. The island is easily one of the biggest in a game of this style, in the series for sure, and possibly the biggest game map ever (bar some - so yeah, not really ever).
With like a million things to have to blow up, completion is unlikely for the average gamer, let alone the filthy casual. But determined gamers and completionists will enjoy the serious challenge of getting every last thing with red paint on blown to smithereens (for a prize, if someone can send me an explanation of what smithereens are - cause i assume they're Smithers from the Simpsons mum)
I'd say, despite it probably being the worst game I have on my PS4, it's actually my favourite. It's a shame it didn't get aboard the hype train as much as the other titles I was sucked into as this game genuinely deserves the recognition, it's just classic fun, and as much fun to play with a few drunk mates, trying to see how many goats you can launch like some fucked up drunk Afghani NASA - as it is to get stuck in to for the plot and find all the secret locations or beat a high score for wingsuiting for like 3 hours straight. I could say a lot more but want to leave some space for the other writers - there's only so much internet to put all this on...
(oh, yeah, forgot to say, it's good to be back, and to introduce my digital doodling to the writing, more to come!)
I bought the mega cool looking limited addition, all singing, all dancing, robotic blowjob model, 500GB Latest and Greatest, Michael Jackson, Bad, Dangerous, Off the fuckin' wall, Metal Gear Solid 5 model. Yeah, it looks sexy in red/gold/black, with custom grey metal controller and DD logo... So imagine how gutted I was when I started playing fucking MGS5. If you haven't played it, it's an amazing game - for the first hour - it blew me away, and I was as excited as could be - then the gameplay somewhat reached a plateau in ingenuity - it became routine. So fuck it, buy another game I told myself - Fallout 4 - Another disappointment - graphically looked like a ported update to New Vegas, not on par with all I'd seen on the PS4 at this stage (MGS5 - which does look awesome) Still I finished it and then had a huge hole in my PS4 life - what the hell do I do now - Look around for games... WHAT'S THIS?! Just Cause 3 is out?! Fuuuuu---- How didn't I hear about it?! - turns out no one did, it just sort of appeared on shelves, 'Sneaky fucking game developing wombles are to blame' I thought to myself as I ordered it from eGay.
It arrived next day, so had to have a go as soon as i got home - now, I should mention at this stage, I have moved to North Wales recently; where the internet is stuck in 56k modems being delivered by postmen with no legs. I've honestly had better broadband in the bottom of a cornflake box when I lived in the big city - but only a 2gb patch on a game this big is not bad - unless you live here - 45 minutes of playing on the awkwardly titled 'Boom Boom Island' - Not what I thought it was going to be if you know what I mean...
Boom Boom Island was uninhabited... Didn't stop me getting some boom boom lemme tell ya...
So when I finally get into the game, was it worth the wank/wait? Yeah, it's quite pretty, despite the huge and occasionally burdening frame rate issues (a common occurrence on the PS4 in my experience) and especially when I am comparing it to a lovely, new, high end PC.
Gameplay-wise, it's hugely enjoyable in short bursts, massively action packed, challenging but fluid, with perfect controls and enough plot to justify the ridiculously over the top, blow it all to fuck and then blow that fuck to shit attitude. It does however suffer with Assassin Creed-itus - in that it's very much go here, do the same thing you just did over and over - but at least what that last thing was, was being fucking awesome and blow shit up with a grenade launcher before flinging yourself like a BDSM spiderman at some indescript minion using a grappling hook that defies the laws of physics before stealing one of about 400 vehicles to go fuck his sister in, where as Ezio had to have a bit of a sit on a bench, then a bit of a slow walk with some nuns or something.
It's also, HUGE. The island is easily one of the biggest in a game of this style, in the series for sure, and possibly the biggest game map ever (bar some - so yeah, not really ever).
With like a million things to have to blow up, completion is unlikely for the average gamer, let alone the filthy casual. But determined gamers and completionists will enjoy the serious challenge of getting every last thing with red paint on blown to smithereens (for a prize, if someone can send me an explanation of what smithereens are - cause i assume they're Smithers from the Simpsons mum)
I'd say, despite it probably being the worst game I have on my PS4, it's actually my favourite. It's a shame it didn't get aboard the hype train as much as the other titles I was sucked into as this game genuinely deserves the recognition, it's just classic fun, and as much fun to play with a few drunk mates, trying to see how many goats you can launch like some fucked up drunk Afghani NASA - as it is to get stuck in to for the plot and find all the secret locations or beat a high score for wingsuiting for like 3 hours straight. I could say a lot more but want to leave some space for the other writers - there's only so much internet to put all this on...
(oh, yeah, forgot to say, it's good to be back, and to introduce my digital doodling to the writing, more to come!)
