29.03.2011 - Why I have a facebook account.
So, as we like to remain somewhat anonymous to those that don't know us in person, and as we're having to take a long sabatical from video production due to priority projects, Rich, co-founder of 3CrowsStudio found he had some spare time I assume, and has been working with the R&D department to further improve our anonymity from the public eye...
...I'll let you make your own assessments.
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22.03.2011 - IMPORTANT SHOCKING NEWS JUST IN...
My most un-PC (politically correct) PC (personal computer) game review yet.
- Fixed rare issue with loading of milk production/price scale values from
savegame
- Fixed rare issue with NAT Punch-through with identical local IPs
- Fixed very rare crash bug with physics contact reports in missions
- Fixed rare issue with screen shot feature
HOLY DOGSHIT! There is actually a game, even less exciting than Train simulator 3: Mum brings your socks. And this is it. Farming Simulator 2011, 2011 as if that makes a difference;
'Awwwww, hunny.' says Colin,
'What dear?' she replies from the kitchen, (as if he has a wife, truthfully his loneliness has caused this psychotic episode)
'It's only the 2010 edition of the John Deer Applepicker 9000.'
'I want a divorce' a voice, muffled by the noise of the door slamming, softly carresses him one last time.
Honestly, i am so mad i'm not even going to say anything about this, other than, i may have to get it. Some times a game comes out that is so bad, so buggy and so pointless that it's the best thing you've ever played. Arma2's Operation Arrowhead campaign, played the first 3 minutes of it before it bugged out and went tits up - still talk about that to this day. Priceless.
Who owns it? Anyone wanna lend me a copy, cause i refuse to part with cash, even if it's not my own, for this game. Get in touch, love to hear a review of it!
Keep Gaming Gayboys... ...eh hem... ...i mean gamers.
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15.03.2011 - Delays imminent.
So yeah, we've been really behind with getting our stuff out to you to watch, and we appologise. Both myself and Rich have been ill and George fell down the back of the couch after our l4d2 night and we haven't seen him since. Actually, that might be what the odd stale pizza smell was now i think of it.
Anyway, im here to bring you a self opinionated rant, followed by some expletifs and a sudden, psychologically thrilling departure from your screens for an indeterminate amount of time once more.
This week, I am going to look over the shoulder of my colleague in the proverbial final exam that is writing this, and steal every last idea he had.
If you haven't checked out his thoughts lately, please, hit pause now, and go take a look. I promise you'll appreciate it, and at the bottom of this post there will be a little photographic treat for you all of you that missed me that much. (and for those of you that cheated and went straight down, shame on you... SHAME.)
So yeah, like Rich said, EA and Bioware are taking the law into their own hands, and i am noticing this more and more in the industry and life itself. No we're English, and as such, democratic in our social decision making. So why do i hear that asshole cringingly, special olympic, straight-homosexual phrase 'BANHAMMER' every time i brandish a swaztika logo on my weapon in CoDBlackOps BARING IN MIND it's an MP44, nazis are in this game and the entire franchise was brought to it's incredible (and i mean i wont credit it) success by basing it's launch and subsequent titles on WW2.
Now you may be wondering if i am some neo-nazi, allow me to clarify that my Polish girlfriend, and spanish heritage would no doubt disagree with that right now. OK. Good. I merely used this iconic symbol as a sociological experiment, and i am in one way pleased that people still take what it represents so seriously and in another baffled by their choices.
So how am i relating this to EA and Bioware, a tangent you say; 'No.' i reply. Now, i enjoy the occassional stint on MassEffect 2 and so i shall avoid the obvious jokes of reffering them to the nazis, althought their cyber-political-silencing and propaganda-esque editting of the rebelious are similar. No, I am infact correlating them with the confused and deluded masses that think playing a WW2 or even a modern shooter is fine, a game such as CoD:bo, where i literally spend a mission slicing peoples throats in graphic detail, but saying shit in the multiplayer is enough to see me banned for eternity. HELLO? WAIT WHAT?
EA / Bioware have done much the same thing. They seem ignorant of genuine feedback, ok, what the guy said wasn't exactly constructive, but rather than ban him for 72 hours into the acid mines to work bare handed with goggles that do nothing, they could have invited him to give reason for his allegations, taken constructive criticism, isn't that what a 'forum' is for. Discussion and feedback?
Much like the god damn, 15 year old mothers of 3, on benefits, sat playing online bingo because they're too fat, lazy and/or stupid to go out to a real bingo hall, Facebookers. If you write something on a publically viewable forum, and yes, Facebook is a forum; it's just painted nicely so your inferior brains can comprehend it quicker. If you write something, expect it to be under the scrutiny of your peers, superiors and alike.
(I am aware, myself, 3Crows and most of earth is on facebook now, but i realised it was a forum, and so the caveat of anyone realising this, must be; you're not inferior in the brain department, and none of us 'didn't know', so we're all back on speaking terms :D)
What i am trying to get at is, EA is a faceless (and they're not alone as more and more of our former lives enter this seedy underworld of the internet) corporation, and rich though it is (some how) they have a reputation to me and many others as being a money grabbing, anything goes to make a buck, faceless, blameless, ignorant tyrant ruining what should be a thriving industry for many more talented companies and only going for those that pull in the highest bids.
Having said that, they have published many great titles, but they are not above looking at themselves and questioning their motives. - I just think this movement to ignore and remove the complainer in the group is about as falsely economic as drinking the petrol and pushing your car.
Now, i'm gonna go take a breather, calm down and gather my senses to engage in some more Bulletstorm ready for the review next week. Oh yeah, we're doing Bulletstorm by the way. Seeing as not one of you lazy bastards bothered to vote for voting. (after everything he just said about democracy... = I know.)
Oh, and as promised. May i introduce to you, the latest edition to 3CrowsStudio, our new and very fluffy mascot, Leon.
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02.03.2011-Whatup new games?
So, as we like to remain somewhat anonymous to those that don't know us in person, and as we're having to take a long sabatical from video production due to priority projects, Rich, co-founder of 3CrowsStudio found he had some spare time I assume, and has been working with the R&D department to further improve our anonymity from the public eye...
...I'll let you make your own assessments.
Mr. Incognito
So yeah, we're busy, well atleast I am; Rich is having too much fun with pipecleaners to really be called busy. If you wanna see what's keeping our rich, luxurious, sex filled exploration of games from your watering eyes, you can watch my progress at www.si-tye.blogspot.com. I am currently working on a 2D traditional animation, a noir tale of the theory of evolution and how it has seemingly ground to a halt.
Again, in my rantings, you must be asking yourself, what has this to do with games; Shut up. I'm getting to it. And if you weren't asking that, why are you here?
So yeah, for those of you who bothered to look at my site, you might have seen some indie games trailers. This has sparked an interest for me lately, and the quality of artwork in indie vs. MegaCorp (EA) *fuck EA before i forget to mention that*
I can't help but notice the significantly higher quality of many indie games originality and glorious visual styles and wonder why the 'MegaCorp' hasn't realised how well this sells. Look at games like Braid and Limbo. Not only do they have fantastic gameplay, but frankly they're some of the most visually adventurous games I've ever seen. Especially Limbo, being entirely silouhetted foreground its astounding how much detail they retained.
GET TO THE COMPLAINING
No. Not today. Today, i want to celebrate the underdogs, the little guys and tell them bloody well done. Keep up the work and lets hope Valve and EA dont buy your souls and send you to work in the silicon valley sweatshops of the mainstream producer. I think it's sad that Call of Duty 28 is on it's way and the most they've done to adventure is put more red dots on screen when you get shot, or that you can create a basic icon and have it poorly bitmapped to your assault rifle. Why not, i dunno, make it a cell shaded game like Street Fighter 4 tried, it failed, but atleast it fucking tried. But no, make money, not good games. Dont hate the player, hate the game. Stop buying it and they'll have to make something good again. That's my advice. Not that anyone is listening any more.
Peace.
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22.03.2011 - IMPORTANT SHOCKING NEWS JUST IN...
My most un-PC (politically correct) PC (personal computer) game review yet.
Farming Simulator 2011 Updated
Product Update - Valve
19 Mar 2011
Fixes:
- Fixed switching cutter fruit type switching if with combine grain tank
capacity of zero
- Fixed switching cutter fruit type switching if with combine grain tank
capacity of zero
Whoopdeefucking doodaz.
- Fixed rare issue with loading of milk production/price scale values from
savegame
Thank the lord for that.
- Fixed rare issue with NAT Punch-through with identical local IPs
I hate when that happens.
- Fixed very rare crash bug with physics contact reports in missions
...Missions. Really? ...Missions?
- Fixed rare issue with screen shot feature
Rare issue being someone using it.
HOLY DOGSHIT! There is actually a game, even less exciting than Train simulator 3: Mum brings your socks. And this is it. Farming Simulator 2011, 2011 as if that makes a difference;
'Awwwww, hunny.' says Colin,
'What dear?' she replies from the kitchen, (as if he has a wife, truthfully his loneliness has caused this psychotic episode)
'It's only the 2010 edition of the John Deer Applepicker 9000.'
'I want a divorce' a voice, muffled by the noise of the door slamming, softly carresses him one last time.
Honestly, i am so mad i'm not even going to say anything about this, other than, i may have to get it. Some times a game comes out that is so bad, so buggy and so pointless that it's the best thing you've ever played. Arma2's Operation Arrowhead campaign, played the first 3 minutes of it before it bugged out and went tits up - still talk about that to this day. Priceless.
Who owns it? Anyone wanna lend me a copy, cause i refuse to part with cash, even if it's not my own, for this game. Get in touch, love to hear a review of it!
Keep Gaming Gayboys... ...eh hem... ...i mean gamers.
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15.03.2011 - Delays imminent.
So yeah, we've been really behind with getting our stuff out to you to watch, and we appologise. Both myself and Rich have been ill and George fell down the back of the couch after our l4d2 night and we haven't seen him since. Actually, that might be what the odd stale pizza smell was now i think of it.
Anyway, im here to bring you a self opinionated rant, followed by some expletifs and a sudden, psychologically thrilling departure from your screens for an indeterminate amount of time once more.
Not a surprise, trying to play on a Mac.
This week, I am going to look over the shoulder of my colleague in the proverbial final exam that is writing this, and steal every last idea he had.
If you haven't checked out his thoughts lately, please, hit pause now, and go take a look. I promise you'll appreciate it, and at the bottom of this post there will be a little photographic treat for you all of you that missed me that much. (and for those of you that cheated and went straight down, shame on you... SHAME.)
So yeah, like Rich said, EA and Bioware are taking the law into their own hands, and i am noticing this more and more in the industry and life itself. No we're English, and as such, democratic in our social decision making. So why do i hear that asshole cringingly, special olympic, straight-homosexual phrase 'BANHAMMER' every time i brandish a swaztika logo on my weapon in CoDBlackOps BARING IN MIND it's an MP44, nazis are in this game and the entire franchise was brought to it's incredible (and i mean i wont credit it) success by basing it's launch and subsequent titles on WW2.
Now you may be wondering if i am some neo-nazi, allow me to clarify that my Polish girlfriend, and spanish heritage would no doubt disagree with that right now. OK. Good. I merely used this iconic symbol as a sociological experiment, and i am in one way pleased that people still take what it represents so seriously and in another baffled by their choices.
So how am i relating this to EA and Bioware, a tangent you say; 'No.' i reply. Now, i enjoy the occassional stint on MassEffect 2 and so i shall avoid the obvious jokes of reffering them to the nazis, althought their cyber-political-silencing and propaganda-esque editting of the rebelious are similar. No, I am infact correlating them with the confused and deluded masses that think playing a WW2 or even a modern shooter is fine, a game such as CoD:bo, where i literally spend a mission slicing peoples throats in graphic detail, but saying shit in the multiplayer is enough to see me banned for eternity. HELLO? WAIT WHAT?
EA / Bioware have done much the same thing. They seem ignorant of genuine feedback, ok, what the guy said wasn't exactly constructive, but rather than ban him for 72 hours into the acid mines to work bare handed with goggles that do nothing, they could have invited him to give reason for his allegations, taken constructive criticism, isn't that what a 'forum' is for. Discussion and feedback?
Acid Mine Punishment, best in all of Khazakstan.
Much like the god damn, 15 year old mothers of 3, on benefits, sat playing online bingo because they're too fat, lazy and/or stupid to go out to a real bingo hall, Facebookers. If you write something on a publically viewable forum, and yes, Facebook is a forum; it's just painted nicely so your inferior brains can comprehend it quicker. If you write something, expect it to be under the scrutiny of your peers, superiors and alike.
(I am aware, myself, 3Crows and most of earth is on facebook now, but i realised it was a forum, and so the caveat of anyone realising this, must be; you're not inferior in the brain department, and none of us 'didn't know', so we're all back on speaking terms :D)
What i am trying to get at is, EA is a faceless (and they're not alone as more and more of our former lives enter this seedy underworld of the internet) corporation, and rich though it is (some how) they have a reputation to me and many others as being a money grabbing, anything goes to make a buck, faceless, blameless, ignorant tyrant ruining what should be a thriving industry for many more talented companies and only going for those that pull in the highest bids.
Having said that, they have published many great titles, but they are not above looking at themselves and questioning their motives. - I just think this movement to ignore and remove the complainer in the group is about as falsely economic as drinking the petrol and pushing your car.
Now, i'm gonna go take a breather, calm down and gather my senses to engage in some more Bulletstorm ready for the review next week. Oh yeah, we're doing Bulletstorm by the way. Seeing as not one of you lazy bastards bothered to vote for voting. (after everything he just said about democracy... = I know.)
Oh, and as promised. May i introduce to you, the latest edition to 3CrowsStudio, our new and very fluffy mascot, Leon.
Leon. A cat picture. That's right, I've become that kinda guy.
*facepalm*
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02.03.2011-Whatup new games?
So, I'm back after my leave, wondered off to catch up with essential research, and also to do my studies (check out my progress as it happens here: http://www.si-tye.blospot.com/) - Enough plugging. I'm here to damn well complain, and complain I shall.
Today I've decided enough is enough, where are my new games? ...That are worth playing atleast, but i'm saving that point for a minute. First off, games are taking way to long to get made, and companies are making every excuse under the sun. Valve had a nice idea as a solution - Episodical Releases, shorter but more frequent releases. Nice in theory, like communism, but well, Episode3; taken longer to come out that hl2. Dag Nabbit. Don't even make me look at you DUKE NUKEM FOREVER. Every pun under the sun has been made already about this game's title so i shant patronise you with... ...ah who am i kidding... ...Duke Nukem taking Forever. Had to say it.
So, yeah, point number 2 in this rant; When, after a nice, ass achingly long, wait, a title with all its hype and gimmicks finally appears and you get to play them. 50% dont work and need patching, Black Ops im looking at you, twatty bollocks. Coming to PC is a complicated thing indeed and rushed out the door you were, so i'll let you off, but releasing a patch that made things worse really took the cookie, and i like my cookies where they god damn are. The other 50% (console mostly in that case) are just plain shit. Remember the first Assassin's Creed, all that hype, those graphics, then, that daunting, deep depressing feeling when you realise how shit and repetitive it was. Did anyone finish it?
I dont mind shitty games, without them, we wouldn't get to have so much fun doing this. But when i've been waiting 4 years for it, it comes through the front door and within 40 minutes i'm 40 quid poorer and 4 years of build up, disappointed. So I ask, as games get bigger (30Gb for shogun2 which looks awesome in the demo available online and through steam!) are they getting better, or is it simply waiting for years on end i forget to care and worry more about the beard i've grown while waiting.
Rich and Si got drunk waiting for Duke Nukem, that was 14 years ago...
Along with this, I've started considering why the industry insists graphics are always the way forwards, they have so many great mechanical ideas, like Alan Wake and Alone in the Dark for instance, if Wake had come out when it was meant to Dark wouldn't have stolen and released early the DVD style scene skipping. Spending so much time making it shiny meant they'd lost their edge on the gameplay market. The popularity of Minecraft should be a clear demonstration to the market, the industry and developers that they need to start worrying more on improving the game, not the shiny water in the background. Also see Xbox Arcade and it's popularity, or, at a push, the Wii. We're, as consumers, screaming out for initiative and innovation in how we play, not that the colonel in CoD 59 has a fully operational moustache comb in his tac vest.
Next week I'll complain more on why games are too involved in being feature films, and forgetting that occassionally we like to just enjoy our game for the cool shit, and how this has made Cliffy B my god amongst men for remembering that. Fan or not of his work, you have to admit he holds dear to his heart that a game is a game, a bit of fun, and not to be taken so seriously. Amen to this. And him. Ok, homoerotic man love time is over.
Peace
Si
Resident Complaint Manager
-3Crows Studio
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19.02.2011 - Forever Alone...
So, after losing nearly all my friends because I dont like flash games, and clearly Apple and Google have been slipping mind control pills into your Weetabix every morning, telling you I must be the spawn of satan for disliking CATCH A SHIT 1 and 2!
I decided to go and hunt for a flash game I liked, now, there is one, that both me, and rich will forever hold closely to our hearts, and that, my dearest friends, is Slime Soccer. This game is the reason I'm not a billionaire tyrant, it distracted us throughout our school careers and I single handedly blame it for being my downfall. It's just so much fun, we used to have a league and it got to the point even our poor old teacher decided to give up and join the league, son of a bitch was good at the game too...
Here it is, in all it's 2bit glory;
Keys for Slime Soccer:
Player 1: Left - A, Jump - W, Right - D, Grab - S.
Player 2: Left - J, Jump - I, Right - L, Grab - K.
'B' to toggle double-buffering (makes it slower but not flickery).
Title Screen:
Click a button to decide game length, or choose World Cup Mode
S/K to change identity to your favourite World Cup side.
6 to toggle superslimeness.
But this is Java, not Flash - I am that pedantic and frankly it's pretty lame anyway, it's funny, but it's still not Gears of War 3 is it?
So, I've been looking, and I'm tired - I want to go have another Pringle sandwich (tm) and just accept that I must be the only person on earth that doesn't enjoy flash games. And then, suddenly, when all hope was lost, I stumble upon this;
I like the cut of this games jib. Something about it, I dont know what, speaks to me. We just got on from the second we met.
Peace.
-Si
-3Crows Studio
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15.02.2011 - Today, I come to you with shit...
Tomorrow I leave here for good.
I dont mean 3Crows Studio, heaven forbid! No, I shall remain here eternally. I mean Earth, I've lost all faith. Why you may ask? - 'Here's fucking why!' I reply.
I immediately appologise for exposing you to this abomination, refresh the page to kill it. Oh, and thanks to whoever made it for letting me use it without permission to slanderously accuse it of being a waste of human existance. Cheers then, ta.
What the Jesus shit is this crap?
Flash games can suck my dick.
They're not games, they're 'lunchbreak time wasters' for those office dwellers too scared, or socially inept or unhygenic enough to go outside during their lunch breaks. They're for the 'whizzkid' at school who thought he was fucking Neo when, mid IT lesson, he cracked it and played CATCH A SHIT 2 while the teacher slowly drank themselves to an early grave asking where it all went wrong - hell, atleast that's what I did!
''Ok, what wiseguy switched my ipad to hebrew again?'' - Moses.
You may wish to disagree with me, let me save you the time by saying you're wrong. 'Why, how dare you, what do you base such wild alligations on you cretin?!' you may say. And unto you I shall shine my holy knowledge; 'Behold. It is a sequel.' - That's right, there's a CATCH A SHIT 1 ~(I'm guessing). How could that possibly be an improvement to anything; other than, perhaps, if 1 didn't even load. But frankly I think 1 was just trying to do humanity, and the internet a favour if that was the case.
I hate most genuine (and by that I mean from a publisher, on a console or PC format, that comes in a box with art work on the front and everything) games calling themselves games. Until they get my coveted Nod of Approval (c), they are merely used DVD's. And 7 out of 10 times, it's a waste of memory in this gamers opinion. God, I'm so bitter.
I am too pissed off by CATCH A SHIT 2 to even look for 1 to give you a cross comparison, if you like it that much, go get it yourself and do a review and I'll see what I can do about getting you a fucking job here, we dont get paid anyway so it shouldn't be too hard.
Fuck flash, and it's makers.
Peace.
Si
The Coveted 'Nod of Approval' (c)
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10.02.2011 - Who, and why?
The title of this weeks Simon Says is all I want to ask. Who, and Why? - WHO buys Train Simulator games, and WHY buy Train Simulator games?
Honestly, they caught my eye recently when perusing Steam's glorious library of gaming delights like the 'laminated book of dreams' at your local Argos. They caught my eye, partly because I stepped back and thought, damn, that's actually pretty impressive, watch the city builder videos, but primarily what caught my eye was the unbelievable bargain bin price of just £150. That's not 1.50, that's ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS STERLING, THE QUEENS POUNDS. Who in their right mind has £150 spare for a game, let alone a game that lets you build railway tracks then drive trains (forwards AND backwards) on said tracks. As if that is challenging or fun.
Fun. I debated with myself whether I could have fun with this game, hell, I loved crashing the train in GTA: San Andreas, and who didn't? - But I then discovered that the game lacks a physics engine that would offer any 'fun' antics, or crash animations worth watching, on further research I am still not confident you can even crash, which frankly makes the whole driving a train sim even more boring, why play at all, it's a glorified, customizable screen saver that just cost you a weekend of debauchery or something more subtle like a new graphics card for instance.
So looking at it from the presumed eye of a 'train fan' or spotter, or, as I would call them; Colin. The game offers a range of different trains, upgradeable etc with all the DLC *(which for £150 you get it all I should add). The city modelling system is nice, and very intuitive, the gameplay is lacklustre in this gamer's opinion; but then again, if looking at fucking virtual trains, let alone real ones;
'Too pussy for real Train Spotting? Better get Colin some nice virtual one, so he can enjoy it in 'private'.
If that is your thing, I think the gameplay is probably just enough excitement for one hour of computer time before tepid, not hot, Bovril and Alan Titchmarsh comes on TV.
Frankly, Im not happy with a game unless its killing everything in site with a machine chainsaw rifle tied to an apache with arms and legs in the main menu.
So this was not to my tastes before I saw it. Each to their own, but wait...
...There's a MODEL TRAIN SIMULATOR, that's right, virtual trains were too much for Colin, and he's bust his beans all over Grannys blanket, he needs - Model Train Simulator, for those that can't afford hornby? But can afford a gaming pc, and games. OK...
So yeah, this title offers a virtual world of model trains, that's all I know, I was so disgusted I had to close Steam. Fucking model trains were too hardcore, too many small parts, or just too expensive, I dont get why you would want a computer game of it.
Angers me.
Now I know, companies are trying to open the market to new ideas, and really it's a very intuitive one, with an established fan base, albeit a dying race of fans as we move into the future. But the hardcore are still there, just I would prefer to be driving something that has more than 1st gear, reverse and no steering wheel. I can only imagine the game being something similar to the intro to Half Life, but an infinite limbo of that intro, with no escape, only more rail, and not even a promise of something interesting happening. Ugh, as I think about it, I slump into my seat further and further praying for something to happen that takes my mind off it, Wait, what's that MRI looking thing doing, OH GOD NO... NOOOOO.....
Frankly, I'd prefer to go through this than play that shit.
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08.02.2011 - I'm early for work, whatever...
So, yeah, I've come in early to bring this one to you, it has nothing to do with games or the industry, this is just a fun little rant I am going to have quickly, something to tide you over til the 10th when my next complaint comes in...
Yeah, right, well, today, I woke up like any other day, about 9 am cause I'm a student and FUCK YOU I DONT CARE IF THAT'S A LAY IN FOR YOU. I check my phone, as I am sure so many of you do, not to go on facebook and post how I can't wait to listen to Martin Bieber's 'I wanna suck today's dick' or whatever you might do.
No.
To check the fucking message that woke me up, yeah, at 9am! See above for details on what you can do with that opinion.
VoDERPfone - most of you should know them. If you dont, i dont care to be honest, here's 2 and 2, put them together, hints in the name, you can and should definitely guess what they do right.
OK, cutting to the chase, it's my new bill, new phone (samslug galaxy s - yeah fuck you Crapple) and yeah, i'm on a £25 a month contract, it's £31, i've had the phone, 4 days. 4. Not 5, not months, 4 days. HOW ALREADY IS IT £6 above the contract price, HOW am i being billed already, no explanation, fuck this text im waiting for a letter. I move on. Im getting better at this shit.
NO WAIT - Now i got a postman bringing letters and shit yo, like he does yeah, thanks and stuff. So yeah, i get a letter from Virgin-ia mobile phone providings Ltd. TM., already got a great feeling about this; it's a letter to inform me the god damn house phone has been 'temporarily blocked' for my convenience (making some international calls like a boss, they thought it was a terrorist hijacking of my phone, obviously) so for my convenience i dont got no phone in the house until i pay their ransom... ...Bill. I mean bill.
Oh, then my old contractor, NOrange, again you know em, if not, still dont care, send me a bill. Yeah, now lets bare in mind, i just rang them yesterday to cancel my existing contract, they've suddenly cut my phone off (old contract - whatever - even though i did pay for the month) and now sent me a bill for more than the 'Dolphin Anaconda Parachutist package 20 +1 health bonus' £20 a month contract agreement, what a suprise. Not.
So in one day, just one, i have 3 phone bills, all way over budget/agreement and why? Cause i rang poland, poland... POLAND... I HONESTLY HONEST TO GOD could've bought 2 return seats on a BrianAir flight for the cost of those calls.
Why do I have to pay extra for international calls? The signal is beamed into FUCKING SPACE for the satellites anyway?!
FIGHT THE POWER- IVE NAMED THESE NAMES SO YOU DONT HAVE TO - Actually i censored them poorly enough you should get who they are, but enough that i shouldn't be prosecutable, all stories and their similarities to real persons or companies living or dead are purely coincidental, and 3crows studio, simon and/or rich take no responsibility for the assumptions made. - There, that oughta do it.
FUCK PROTECTING THE GUILTY. Aslong as you dont incriminate yourself. Egypt, looking at you brah... ...Not cool man.
'No fucking way man, he mentioned us again!' - Egyptian Terry Tibbs.
Your ever dismissing,
Simon
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So, Im back, my third rant and I only just realise i didn't archive my first, if anyone has it, send it my way! - simon.3crowsstudio@gmail.com *(yeah we're too cheap/poor to get our own email server).
Where to start, what shall it be on, I think today... ...Damn it. Things are all going to f*cking well. Again, a great game for the week; Deadspace 2. Although costing me a fortune in fresh panties, this has to be game of the year for me, I know it's only Feb! But really, honestly, what a fantastic bit of story, horror, detail, variance. Fab game. I'm a lazy typist, watch the review.
So what to complain about?
Im going to have to go ahead and say Upload speeds in the UK; the reason we're behind schedule bringing the funny shit to you guys. I mean, they sell Download speeds up to around 50mb/s (megabits is what they sell you, not bytes, bits being much smaller and mathematically lesser to bytes, so that's why you're not watching 'hotdog stand: hot girl bends over 9' in the next 30 seconds.
But the upload, my jesus! 150mb = an hour with our 'sexless' (for legal reasons we can't say virgin - oops.) providers 10mb package. That's insanely slow, is it not 2011? By the way, I watched back to the future, where is my hoverboard, holographic shit and neon Nike Dunks with pump laces? Man I want that. Hell, 2011 looks more like 1985 than 1985 did; we have knightrider on tv, the A team, Transformers, Terminator, Tron, Miami Vice and more in the cinema, everyone dresses like Franky said 'relax again' and well, I dont get my damn hover board.
Next week I hope to be far more wound up, sorry I am having such a good time, it's really irregular, but, I live in England, so, it's not long before something goes wrong again. Least we aren't Egyptian. Our thoughts, and support are with everyone affected by the situations over there and we wish them all the best.
Get some Egypt, get some.
So, without further notice, I resign for today. Keep checking back as I am certain things can only get worse, end of the day, sooner or later, 2012 will end us all. About damn time.
Still Me.
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28.01.2011 - The day of days.
So, tonight we review Dead Space 2, I've already bought the adult diapers, tissues to wipe the tears away as a game so horrific leaves grown men in puddles of their own piss. But no, honestly, I cant wait to try it out, we're just prepping our studio now which has a lovely comfy sofa, albeit pointing in the wrong direction and pizza everywhere, sounds good to me. Throw in a few cheap beers and we've got ourselves a job to do.
Now, normally I would take this time to complain about something, maybe I'm losing my touch, but I have simply got little to go on, other than the fact that the last few games I've played have been absolute garbage I really have little else.
Most disappointing was Monday Night Combat; dont get me wrong I still enjoyed playing it, but it just left a nasty taste in my mouth after the god awful unskippable intro, the oddly misplaced title screen, the ASSASSIN being an invisible 1 hit killer, faster than anything, super bitch, yet when I try the class it sucked...
...Fuck that game. Makes me mad. So I went to play APOX, anyone of you that's played it. Yeah. You know. For those of you that haven't, please allow me to demonstrate;
DOO DOO DA DA DA DA x300000
...There was the inspiration for the musical score of the entire game; to be looped infinitely, until you literally can't take it any more and hang yourself by the ears. The gameplay is somewhere between very good and god awful. The tutorials explain nothing of how you make income work for you, only how to build shit and attack with the obvious concepts such as riflemen shoot and mortars should sit at the back...
...Well shit. I have been living on Mars, in a cave, with my eyes shut and my fingers in my ears; I guess I needed telling that. ORRRRRRRR not. I'm so sick of being patronised by games lately.
Same goes back to Monday Night Combat; tutorial at the start, taught me how to reload, shoot enemies (SHOOT ENEMIES MIND YOU - well shit I thought I'd just go dance with them) and collect bullshit coins like I'm super mario. Taught me nothing of the 6 classes, only 1 class, assault, the best all rounder, and overall best class of the game in this gamers opinion. Taught me nothing of the individual skills. The actual gameplay mechanics. What I am even doing. What I was supposed to shoot to win the game. Why or how I can spawn bots to help with the advance. Seriously I could go on, but I have to go boil my head for entertainment soon. So in conclusion, I've had a good week compared to most. Tonight will be fun and I need to stop playing games when they come out. They blow.
Me.
