Simon Says...

There comes a time when a man plays a game and realises it's just not that good. Sadly these days, it comes too often for my liking. Like a grandparent that can't take the hint that you don't like spending Saturdays in the living room discussing the war. That's right, I'm back, the grumpy old bastard mode is fully engaged again. Hoo-fuckin'-rah.

So... ...you know the question... ...What's got me mad this week?

To be honest, I'm not that mad about it, just disappointed. Maybe I'm getting soft, or maybe games are getting better. With less and less AAA releases happening as development now takes 1 millenia to produce a hashed sequel to a game that barely scraped a 'good' the first time it was spunked onto the market, the way forward is opening up nicely for Indies, and, they're really coming up with some of the best games I've played since the 16bit era. But with every greenlighted kickstarter early access pre beta alpha release title - they can't all be brilliant.

Spoiler Alert: I thought it was SUPER SHIT

This is something i've brought up before, I'm pretty tired of playing a gimmick - that has bags of potential, but never ever gets used or developed again. EG Enviromental Destruction in Red Faction 2 was incredible, but graphically poor - nothing has come close to being as useful in a game since, which is a shame. Arguable that BattleField 3/4 did but it still seems more of an animation than real time.

So, innovation is the indie dev's best weapon in my opinion and this week I tried out a game I'd seen around but never rushed to get, SUPER HOT. A title you'll get to hear a LOT if you play it. It's innovative, modern, crisp, indie, action-packed. So why didn't I like it. Well... ...It's not fun. There I said it. I feel better.

The game revolves around you controlling time with your movement, and spoon feeds you this idea slowly but with a defined and underlined point to make - it isn't easy. Time stops completely unless you move, reload, shoot, punch etc, now that's fun, it's like Max Payne bullet time but also like video editing a puzzle. You work out the best way to fight, kill, disarm red man shaped crystal people and dodge bullets and then once you clear the level, you get a real time action replay - but the whole time it shouts in your face SUPER HOT like a fucking excited facebook page. That pissed me off nearly as much as the replays; Now maybe it's how I played, but I doubt I was the only one who did this: The replay - it's not fluid movement like some John Woo action scene where doves fly out my butt as I flying kicked a guys gun into another guys dickhole to kill them both with their own chins. It's a jittery movement filled stylized nightmare as i slowly edged my way around the colourless environments trying to ensure i didn't miss a magic pop-up asshole ready to kill me in a number of ways.

Also, i mentioned it's a puzzler. But it cheats. It changes the fucking puzzle. In example, say I drop into a room, there are 3 men to kill - 2 have guns this attempt, and one a baseball bat. I kill the bat man (simple) and one of the gunmen, before being shot. (hey, it was my first go!) well, attempt two may see me fight an unarmed man and two guys with bats - always in the same place, but no guns changes things a lot and that ruined the puzzle solving - trial and error isn't necessarily the best way forward - which is silly for a game that clearly runs on the mechanic of LIVE DIE REPEAT in order to progress.

How I wanted to treat my monitors after the 156th SUPER HOT was yelled into my face...

The next thing that ruined my life this week was the less than innovative 'you're a person sat at a computer' theme, that's right, you don't start Super Hot in the action, you start with a DOS style screen, and you're some kind of hackerman at the keyboard... This is a common occurrence these days, third partying you from the action - see assassins creed for example.

I don't like it, it's fine to style the start screen as a DOS environment, but leave it there, all the flashing screen glitches just gave me a headache and likely a tumour. It wasn't needed and did nothing to further the plot of the game. Try it to understand.

Overall, it's very polished, very playable, but really didn't do it for me, it's action packed, but broken down into a jittery mess in the replays (and no, it's not graphical its the replay of me moving 1/5 of a step at a time to budge that time forward a few inches) and the overall gameplay kept my attention for about 5 levels before i realised it's hardwork for no reward. I wasn't gripped, my shit was gripped so for that, it gets a thumb down from me. That's better, grumpy me. It's good to be back.

Who dares to let me play their game next then...

Jamie Jabbers...

Nostalgia. Apart from it being one of my favourite words because of how it rolls off the tongue, it is a very powerful jumble of letters. A mere mention of this word alone evokes such strong feelings - in myself, at least – of times long ago. A word that only conjures the positive from the past, or, at least the stuff I can laugh about now, whilst cringing to the max and thinking “What the fuck was wrong with me?” 

I read somewhere that when you think of a memory, you aren’t actually thinking about that specific memory first-hand, instead you are remembering the last time you remembered that memory. What the fuck, right? That’s some heavy shit right there. I know what you’re thinking, though; “I only came here to read about games, you fucking fiend.” Well, slow down a second. I’m getting there, I promise.

When sitting and reminiscing of times gone by, a large portion of these memories are just certain scenes played out. I may not remember what colour t-shirt I was wearing when I was flung into the local docks, but I remember the look on my mate’s face as I went slowly over the edge; my hands clawing at the ground to find something to grasp onto, and stop the inevitable soaking which was almost upon me. At the time, it wasn’t so funny. Now though, it does bring a smirk to my face. 

So, now I come to the point of this ramble. I just can’t get my head around how after all these years I can recall something totally insignificant as where I was when I first played Silent Hill. I remember where and how I was sat. I remember the colour of my bedsheets. I remember what time of day it was. I can hardly remember my cash card pin number at times, but I can tell you what day of the week it was as well; Thursday. Why the fuck do I remember that? How is that useless information going to help me when the waters rise and the earth crumbles? I need survival tips lodged in my brain, not days of the week I played video games. 

"Got a light?" - Zombie Jamie (Jambie?)

I think it is a perfect reminder of just how much an impact gaming has had on me my whole life. It is a part of me. It’s who I am. Gaming is in my blood. I have always played games for as long as I can physically remember. It all started with my first console, which was a Sega Mega Drive, and my first favourite game being Sonic the Hedgehog. That blue, spikey ball of a bastard made me who I am now. He made me crave playing computer games more and more. So, with each year that passed, my experiences with games became more extensive and profound. My taste in games has certainly changed since those days, but definitely not my love for the medium.

Along the way, there are some absolute belters that I will never forget; I don’t think it’s necessary to name them for you, but I will anyway because you don’t control me! Final Fantasy 7, Abe’s Odyssey, Tekken 3, Driver and Resident Evil to name a few. Yet, with the constant iterations, sequels, reboots and remakes, it’s like these games never fell down the back of the sofa of time. Some might say we’re spoilt. I would say that’s a bit fucking far to go.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved these games. I love the fact they are preserved in the filing cabinet marked “Awesome shit” somewhere in my thoughts. However, I’m sure a lot of games I consider gold from years ago would probably fold under the pressure of even the mediocre games of present; like a hugely obese person’s deckchair. I know I can be into some God awful shit sometimes, but then I know I am also a lover of the classics. Going back to my list now, let’s talk about Resident Evil. That game – along with the many sequels – is one of the best games I have ever played (apart from RE6, of course). I am a huge fan of the zombie killing series. Now, going back on my point a bit, I really, really enjoyed the remake of Resident Evil on the Game Cube. Going back on my point even more, I really loved the remake of Resident Evil on the Xbox one. Resident Evil Remake HD. Wow. What a game.

I know I turned my nose up a few sentences ago, but I feel the first remake was a necessity. It is proof that games have always been great. For me and my generation - and those before who got into computer games at an early age – the original game was a big deal. It is the gaming equivalent of watching Star Wars for the first time in a cinema. I can imagine. I’m not that old. This game was a milestone, and the remake was just as good. They managed to turn it up to eleven and produce a game that stood up to modern originals. The graphics were beautiful. Each segment of the game dripped with atmosphere. The eerily perfect musical score kept me on the edge of my seat as I turned each corner, embracing a grisly end. Imagine if you will, to my horror, I found myself thinking Resident Evil 0 HD should never have risen from the dead.

I’m afraid, as good as this was back on the old Cube of Game, there is not a lot here that makes this a logical choice for remaking. Obviously, the graphics won’t make as big a leap as REmake compared to its original counterpart, but I found it hard to see much of a difference here. The cut scenes are quite laughable; Rebecca Chambers’ face resembling that of a jacket potato stuffed with dog turds and cigarette ends. Her dead, droopy-eyed stare as she speaks to fellow protagonist – and anti-hero – Billy Coen is really a sight to behold. It just happens to be the wrong kind of sight. It’s scary for other reasons.

I though HD stood for High Definition...

The gameplay is exactly the same. However, if you want to play without the old school tanked controls, you can now just use the joystick to run around freely. This isn’t a saving grace though. Many a time I got caught in a horrific back and forth of camera angles, where I would be running in one direction but as soon as I left one angle, I would be running the opposite fucking way and end up back in the previous camera angle. Not good when you are in a combat situation. Not really good for the game, full stop. I heartily endorse the original control set up. Don’t change it. You will regret it.

Apart from the new included Wesker mode which you unlock on completing the game, there is nothing much else to tell you. Even that mode is just the campaign, but you play as everyone’s favourite bastard, Albert Wesker. He even has a cool super ability where you can Force push(?!) enemies back. I think they may also explode(?!) I don’t really know. I haven’t unlocked that mode yet. To be honest, I don’t think I will, either.

It is a real shame, because I remember that game being really good. I mean, it is a really good game, it’s just not a good enough game to bring out on modern consoles and expect people to pay for it. This really is a prime example of how an old game should have been left behind. If you want to play it, I’m sure you could grab a second hand copy for the Game Cube – along with the console – for peanuts in comparison. At least that way you would have gone the whole hog and be classed as proper old school. Hell, that would be awesome. I kinda want to do that now. More than likely, I won’t. I’ll just think about when I had it. That can be just as good. Right? Right?!

Simon Says...

It has been a long while since I've found time to get involved in a game with any real interest, life has taken priority as it usually does sooner or later. But I got gripped by a game I'd heard nothing about recently, and what a pleasant and familiarly warm feeling it left with me. A game, that if I'd read about, I'd have probably turned my nose up at - it's indie, it's arty and it's 'an experience' - ie It isn't Marcus Fenix fucking shit up for 8 hours with an explosive chainsaw machinegun on fire in a vat of blood and guts...

The game in question is Firewatch. Made by Campo Santo, self proclaimed as "A small but scrappy video game studio in San Francisco". And boy are they, they've come out of nowhere (queue John Cena) with a banger of a game. Striking art style and performances from voice actors accompanying a fantastic story...

Hey, are those Crows?

...Yeah ok, you're wondering when I'm gonna get to the bit I don't like... ...Well, keep wondering, because this game blew me away.

Honestly, I've not even finished it yet, and I've purposely chosen to write this piece mid play - it's not a long game I don't think, and could be finished in a single sitting if you're into longer movies. I'd estimate 3-4 hours and i'm a good 2 hours in.

So what's it all about?

You begin with a text based story, portrayed over beautiful imagery and colours settings moods and tones, you make open choices that result in frankly I think the same outcome either which way, but it grips you instantly, the plot is compelling without wanting to give too much away, you're a man, you meet a wife, you have a happy life together, you make choices and have hurdles, like you would anyway. Then something happens, it results in you wanting to escape life and move to the middle of buttfuck nowhere (we've all been there right? - says the guy that moved to buttfuck nowhere this year). This is where the gameplay begins, and the visuals step the fuck up to the plate, and finish their dinner before hitting a home run. The graphics I can only describe as the pixar story boards coming to life in an interactive and exciting first person view. Gorgeous forest landscapes with photo worthy sunsets, waterfalls, and weather.

Your mission? Live in a Firewatch Tower, alone. Sounds shit? I guess it would be a bit... ...but you have a single point of contact - a radio - an intrinsic part of the gameplay, and your only plot device in an otherwise tranquil get away to beauty.

I won't discuss the plot beyond this as this game is very much an experience, imagine trying to explain Forest Gump to people without telling them what happens throughout the film, and basically you have a retard on a bench waiting for a bus. It doesn't do it justice, and that's what I'd struggle to do.

Trying to find the closest Kebab House was the most realistic mission in the game for me

All I will say is that this game has been an amazingly pleasant experience, well worth the £19.99 on steam, available on PS4 and Xbone too and well worth a look, especially if you're not usually into these sort of games - it has action, suspense and a thriller plot to grip even the least interested gamers. A real quality piece that does the games industry a massive justice for once.

Here's hoping Campo Santo produce more as they certainly have a fan here.

*Due to the work going into producing this site, i've not had time to doodle this game this week, in fact, I'm late writing this piece - but i will doodle something and add it in later!*

Jamie Jabbers...

The New Year is well underway and…no longer is it that new. In fact, it’s old year now. I swear it’s been 2016 for as long as I can remember. We are almost at the end of February, so we might as well call it on 2016 and go straight to 2017. Before you know it, we’ll all be getting ready for Christmas again anyway (one holiday everyone at 3 Crows can’t get enough of, obviously). So, whilst I sit alone, humming Christmas carols to myself and making my list for the obese old man who leaves me presents, it hits me that there is not enough love for me from anyone, to buy me all the games that I want this year.

There are some I am not desperate for; Plants Vs Zombies: Garden Warfare 2 could be struck off the list, for now. I don’t really want to part with over half of £100 for Farcry Primal, even though I know deep down in my irregularly beating heart, I will hand over the moola for it at some point in the near future. I’m not even that hyped about Final Fantasy 15 at the moment either. I would get it if I had some spare cash lying around, but I don’t. To be honest, if I did have a pile of cash just lying around, I would have already spent it on other games. One of those games would have been The Division. In fact, I will be buying The Division.

Since hearing about – and seeing footage from – The Division, I have been slightly intrigued, but mostly skeptical. I remember thinking that I had been burned before by Ubisoft and its tendency to exaggerate their games. I have also learned from taking in their constant iterations of sequels that the apple never falls too far from the tree. As mentioned already, Farcry Primal is out on 23rd February, and I can’t imagine there is too much to differentiate it from previous Farcry games. Apart from the setting and the characters, the running themes of taking over enemy camps, collecting textual tidbits and upgrading your ammo pouches by killing 75 and ½ wild boars will more than likely be there.

The first thing this game has going for it is that it isn’t a sequel.  Thank whichever entity you so desire for that.  On the surface, that does seem to be all it has going for it, but underneath the shiny good looks is actually a pretty cool game. For starters, the game play itself feels beefy and hard hitting. The gunplay feels nicely balanced between different weapons and is slightly reminiscent to Destiny. Except there seems to be more to it than just being a nice shooter. Unlike Destiny, this game has more than just a minute modicum of storyline holding together some fancy fighting. Sorry, I’ll stop picking on Destiny. For now.

Moving back to The Division, what I took from the beta story wise is that your character is a cog in a very big mechanism working towards bringing society back. I am unsure as to whether or not what caused society to crumble has been disclosed yet, but I can say it seems to have been some sort of epidemic. The streets are littered with contaminated waste. Certain areas warrant the use of masks to filter out whatever crap is still lingering in the air. Another question I don’t know the answer to is whether or not the situation is on a global scale. One thing I am sure of, however, is I am very interested to find out what the hell is going on.

Another issue which was put to rest was regarding the multiplayer aspect of the game. Which seemed to be the whole game in general. The early footage and all information released very much seemed to be co-op driven, playing out each and every mission with a couple of buddies. You might be thinking why would that be a bad thing? You’re not wrong to think that, it’s my own fault that I am the only one out of the Crows who has an Xbone. Why didn’t I invest heavily in a proper PC so I could play with my fellow brethren. Why indeed? Well, I’m not answering that. I don’t need to because I managed to play through the beta solo, and I feel my experience was just as enjoyable as a group of people playing it would have felt. The story missions I was able to participate in never felt impossible to complete on my own. There was a nice level of challenge I met on my lonesome, and it certainly felt like as the game progresses deeper into the story – and my personal character will develop – the more of an exciting challenge will await. Not one that forces you to buddy up with strangers to complete.

The one aspect of The Division where I did encounter other real players was the Dead Zone. Not the Stephen King novel, but an area of the map which acted as a No Man’s land of sorts. Once you enter, if you don’t have a chum to cover your back, you are very much prey to anyone, and anything moving. There is better loot to collect, but with that there are stronger NPC’s to take down first. As well as your character levelling up to unlock new skills, you have a separate levelling up system connected to the Dead Zone, which allows you to unlock better loot from shady dealers and lock boxes scattered around this specific area. Just make sure that you are ready to play amongst all kinds of villainy and scum within this hive. Ever play Grand Theft Auto 5 Online? Those types of assholes will flock to this place like flies around shit, I’m sure. You could argue that the Dead Zone is there for this very reason. You take away the risk from the core game, and fence it in to create a nice challenge to acquire some special loot. I mean, it’s not like the game is forcing you to go in there and mingle with the trigger-happy tossers.

The Assault on Snoop Dogg's House was a particular highlight for me - Si Tye

Besides the main missions - and the Dead Zone – there seems to be an awful lot of side stuff to keep yourself occupied with. Once a base of operations had been established at the beginning of the beta, several branching missions were unlocked, leading to the expansion of the building, in terms of aid and fortification within the city. The sheer volume of content unavailable at the time of the beta is quite overwhelming, and promising. I know quantity doesn’t always mean quality, but I am very excited at what this game is teasing us with at the moment.

I will stop there, as when I do buy the game and play it for an insane number of hours, I will probably write a bit more. Hopefully  I will sing its praises some more and entice you all to part with your money to experience its achievements. Either that, or I will strike Ubisoft games from my Christmas lists for many years to come. March 8th can’t come soon enough. I guess I’ll play some more Resident Evil 0 HD. You never know, I might tell you all about it(Spoiler: I will).

Jamie Jabbers...

There is sometimes a small window of sheer, ball-clenching frustration when it comes to choosing when to play a video game. I choose my opportunity carefully, and responsibly. You never know what could call you away from the screen. If you’re knee-deep in a deadly shoot out where one fatal step will see you miles back at the last check point. A long winded conversation or cut scene that you have not witnessed before, and your other half/child/parent/dog/Jehovah’s witness is pestering you
for attention. To attempt pausing the screen could mean skipping an entire section and then what do you do? You have no choice but to keep going forward, unaware of what precious information you have missed out on. I don’t know about you, but that is not how I roll. If I know I have other stuff to do, I will put my brain into overdrive and come up with some way of getting in a little game time.

Does that make me sound sad? Because, I kinda don’t care.

Once I have finished my chores - or managed to keep myself, and my son alive for a certain period of time – I will always celebrate with a blip on the Xbone. However, this is where it can all fall apart, and I end up with nothing to show for my downtime except cold sweats and a loss of appetite. Which ‘ruddy game do I play? If I know I only have half an hour, there is no way I’m going to have any fun with Fallout 4. I’ll only be halfway through the initial loading screen when I have to pull myself away. What if I jump into Alien Isolation? I don’t feel like changing my underwear every five minutes. Minecraft? Hell no; I need to go outside at some point and socialise. And so on I go, working through my list of games, until I am back at the beginning again. Then my time is up. It’s back to reality. Damn.

Although this happens a surprisingly large number of times, every now and then a true gem of a game rises up and shakes the very foundations of my routine. Whether I can play for ten hours or ten minutes, there are those games that hold my attention, and the anticipation to load them up and play them is a constant running through the back of my mind.  This sort of hold on a person could only be mustered by the biggest of triple A games around, surely? Well, no. I’m sure by now you have all heard of Telltale Games, most famous in recent years for their episodic take on the very popular The Walking Dead. I played through that game from the very beginning, and although the amount of time that lingered between each episode would feel like an eternity, I wanted to complete the story. It had me gripped from the opening sequence. Unfortunately, my attitude waned a bit for the more recent iterations. I found it too hard to wait several months for the next part of another story, and so my biggest regret in the world of gaming is not playing Tales from the Borderlands sooner than I did.

"Wasn't even trying to make him look camp, honest" - Si Tye

To be honest, it wasn’t just the way Telltale released their games, it was also my experience of the Borderland games in general that made me very cautious to try the series out. Now, when I say experience, I mean I played several hours of Borderlands 2, on my own. I know it doesn’t make me an expert on all things Vault hunting, but I knew what I liked, and what I didn’t from my short time with the game. The gameplay itself was ok - nothing special – but not horrendous to play. I spent an awfully long time mulling over which new guns I had picked up would be best to carry on with; as there is a never ending stash of different guns with different perks and attributes, I was in a constant panic over what I would do with my new favourite gun once it became rendered useless by the overly fucking powerful rocket launcher I just looted off a corpse. I loved that gun, I did.

The highlight for me - as I am sure it was for many others - was the dialogue, which I found to be hilarious. I would love to go back and play that game just to listen to the quips and the monologues that are constantly being thrown out by the characters. By the time Tales of the Borderlands had become available I had; finished series one of The Walking Dead, started series two, and had almost completed The wolf Among Us. I knew of Game of Thrones,and was unsure as to whether or not I would want to play it. Being one of my favourite television programmes - and series of books – I did not want any medium inadvertently sullying its reputation.

This was the point where my interest was starting to die down. Thankfully though, Microsoft gave the first episode of Tales of the Borderlands out for free one month. How could I not download it? It was freaking free. The worst thing to happen would be I wasted half an hour or so installing it. I didn’t expect to be horrified; it’s Telltale Games for crying out loud. Yet, I really wasn’t thrilled by the thought of it. I always thought it would be good in some way. There was no way for me to know just how good it actually was.

I’ll start off by addressing the obvious issues this game has. Just like the other Telltale Games, there is a slight problem with sound cutting out every now and then. Sometimes, when you make your dialogue choice, the scene awkwardly cuts to what you have chosen to say, not caring if the other character has finished their sentence. I also found the checkpoint system with this one significantly relentless. There were a couple of occasions where I had been playing for what felt like at least an hour – if not, more -  and no save icon had appeared in any corner of the fucking screen. One time, I even had no choice but to turn the game off to go about my business, only to come back and have to complete that whole section again. The real shit-stained toothless bitch of it was, if I had played for just a few more minutes the first time around, I would have reached the checkpoint.

Aside from that, this is my favourite Telltale Game so far, and at this point, I’ve nearly completed them all. If you have any doubts about not understanding the story due to never picking up a Borderlands game before, fear not. You need no backstory to appreciate what is going on; sure, it helps to get some of the subtle in-jokes, and there are a couple of characters who have been present in Pandora before, most notably the politically incorrect and insulting Handsome Jack. Yet, this does not affect the enjoyment of the game because every character is fully fleshed out and fits within this specific story, in such a perfect way you never feel like you’re missing out on anything. The
protagonists are new to the series as far as I can tell, and are so perfectly human and unfortunate,they feel like the Coen Brothers brought them to life.

If you have played previous Borderlands titles, then you will appreciate a lot from those games that make it into this series. Everything from cameos, to the environments, to how the information box for a gun pops up and looks just like it does in the actual first person shooters. This is porn for your eyes. Instead of, you know, actual porn. What I’m trying to say is that the fan service is here, and in oodles and oodles. The voice acting is superb; household name Troy Baker fits perfectly as the wannabe hero Rhys. Patrick Warburton of Joe Swanson from Family Guy fame is plain hysterical with everything he says in his epic voice. The show is somewhat stolen however, by that of Dameon Clarke, who brings Handsome Jack back to life again, reprising the role of the sadistic antagonist who just wants to be your friend, and has no ulterior motive at all. Whatsoever. Honest.

Each episode has an introduction worthy of a big screen blockbuster, and more than once I sat back and watched in awe, jaw hanging mere inches from the floor, at just how good these sections were. From the music, the settings and the drive, to tell a story which is as compelling as it is exciting is evident in each segment of the game. My favourite part of the whole series comes in episode four, with the most inventive and side-splitting “battle” in any game took me by surprise. I had to put the controller down and take a break due to the sheer volume at which laughter was bellowing out from my mouth. That said, there is no shortness of laugh out loud moments. Nearly every conversation holds a gem of a sentence, or a snappy one-liner that will make the straightest faces crack at the corners. Then, to go from hilarious to touching is something else that this game does very well. Some events that play out really ground you as player, and make you aware at just how much you like these characters.

Guess you could say, it's a bloody good game then?

Unfortunately, the worst part of the game was that it had to end. If anyone has enjoyed a good television series knows too well that void left inside once it has wrapped up. I suppose, in a way, that is another good point though. It just doesn’t make it any easier to move on. All I know is, I will be playing every Telltale Game that comes out in the future. Never again will I pass judgment on one of their games until I have played it. Although, like the rest of them, I expect I will only have good things to say.

Simon Says...

This week's piece is a short one I'm afraid. Busy building the site, filming 'DOODLIN' our new mini feature where Jamie F and I attempted to discuss the important points of what we do, but mostly ended up doodling poop on dicks - Check it out in the Crows Nest later...

So, what am I gonna write about? My rather short lived interest in VR...

Living on a diet of A and Circle buttons still results in man boobs it seems...

Along with a lot of you I expect, I was caught up in the CES 2016 announcements of VR units, specifically the consumer release of the Oculus Rift finally. Then I saw that price, 440GBP - hot damn that's a lot for any monitor, agree? Granted, it is a bit fancier tech-wise than the average monitor, but essentially that's all it is.

So that got me thinking, I wonder if it's really worth that money and can it be done cheaper? Bit of Google later, and I found it can be done on the cheap. There's a whole underground world for it that's been around for a couple of years already and I'm quite late to the party. Shit. Thought I was on to something...

(Now something I can't afford to go into detail on right now is a project of mine to build a copycat of the oculus from the same (or actually some better) parts for a hell of a lot less money - more on that once it's done.)

So, 17 quid later, I'd bought myself a pretty decent headset from BoboVR. It lets you put your phone in it and use that as the screen - with some freeware; Trinus Gyre you can stream your game to your phone and use the phones' gyro to track head movement. Now, i'm not saying it's perfect, far from it, and it's not comfortable to wear for extended amounts of time, but putting that to one side, it was impressive, as was GoogleCard's limited but entertaining apps.

Put it this way, for 17 quid (English pounds for those that don't know what a quid is) I wasn't disappointed. But it wasn't worth further investment. Even when I got over the motion sickness - something that didn't hit me that badly, but definitely had moments of feeling a bit clammy and heaving wouldn't have been far behind if I didn't eject from the headset.

Aww Yiss 3D porn

Two things I did notice though, the industry aren't developing for it in any serious method, Star Citizen for instance, supporting TrackIR then not, then they are again, then they remove the 3D support from the CryEngine settings... It's a bit of a luxury that dev's just don't seem to want to spend time on. Then to the studios that are developing towards the Oculus - they're already reaching a stale, unoriginal take on how to use it - FPS's and Horror hallways are already a generic convention, selling more on the experience than the quality of the game - and I fear that will be VR's downfall.

Told you it was a short one. I gotta go on this point. Will recap on this once the Oculus is out I expect.

Jamie Jabbers...

I feel I should start off this piece by saying something no one is going to agree with. It might raise a few eyebrows. It could be way too much for you to handle. Hell, I may not even be allowed to write anything again if Simon feels it’s a tad too much. That being said, it’s best to get it out of the way now. Here goes. Having a baby is quite alright.

If you are still reading, then it means that my writing hasn’t been censored by the Chief of the cyber police. If you can make out the words, I assume no detailed depiction of male genitalia obstructs the words. Please, let me explain myself. I do not enjoy the constant nappy changes, which I can now do with my eyes closed. I hate that due to lack of bodily functions, my son has more changes of outfit than the entire cast of Cats. I won’t even go into detail of my sleep patterns, which could be considered a form of torture if not for the fact that I am still alive(somehow), and still sane(ish). Despite all of these lovely additions to my day(alongside working 8 – 12 hour shifts) I still manage to get game time. In fact, in some weird twist of fate, I manage to get just as much game time in now as I did before he came along.

 You see, where I am granted some sort of immunity from all of this is the evenings. Baby goes down around 7, and because of the feeding through the night, the wife goes up an hour later. Whether or not I am getting enough sleep is not the issue, I need to wind down. I need a controller in my hand and a list of games to take me into wonderful worlds where babies aren’t around. As much as I love the little shi…tzu sized cherub, I need somewhere to go for a short while to stop me from jumping out of a window head first. Which takes me neatly into the game I have been playing the hell out of this week; This War of Mine: The Little Ones will make you want to jump out of a window head first.

Some of you may know of this game already, as it has been out on PC since 2014. Although it was only known as “This war of mine” then, the subtitle has been added now it comes to PS4 and Xbox one with additional content. Developed by 11 bit studios, who are known for their real time strategy game, Anomaly: Warzone Earth. This War of Mine depicts a country ravaged by – you guessed it – war. Instead of playing as a solider whose sole purpose is killing the enemy, you play a handful of civilians just trying to survive. Their one goal is to make it out the other side of this horrific situation alive, and maybe find their human sides again. The latter may only apply if you play like a dick, or in other words, like me.

In case you haven’t seen this game before, it is a survival sim in the same vain as the rather chilly looking The Long Dark, or the pixelated wonder that is Sheltered. You need to scavenge what you can from the surrounding world in order to stay alive as long as possible. Things like wood and components come in abundance, and with these objects you can craft and upgrade workbenches, metalwork tables and stoves, to name but a few. You can even make moonshine. The important bits, however, are not so easy to gather. Food, weapons and medicine are expensive, heavily-guarded, scarce, and dangerous to get if you are desperate. This is where the game becomes even bleaker than it already is. Imagine listening to the whole Radiohead discography whilst watching The Road and you have the feel of this game in the palm of your hands. You can make moonshine though. Have I already said that?

You start off with a number of survivors, who have just settled in a derelict, run down shell of a house. From there you begin searching your new abode, gathering a bit here and there to start you off. Once it hits night time is when the real test of your survival ability kicks in. Each of your characters has a choice to sleep, go on guard, or scavenge. Once you make this choice, there is another: where do you go to scavenge. Do you wander down to the local supermarket, where other survivors are looting, and are more than happy to share? Will you wander into the town centre and dabble in trade for specific items you require? Or, will you bum rush an elderly couple in their house, steal all their valuables and leave them there to die? The choice is yours, but your characters may not agree with your decisions.

While you can gather plenty of the good stuff from the darker decision, stealing from others can have a harrowing effect on all of your survivors. They will become sad, which then leads to depression. This can lead to a number of outcomes if left untreated. I have come back from a night’s worth of ransacking apartments only to come back home and find one of us has left during the night, never to be seen again. This only adds to the emotional baggage of the others. So, do you still think stealing is the best option? Because I do.

Although you could probably play without taking things forcefully, the trading side of things becomes very expensive. During some periods of the game, certain items can suddenly increase in value over night due to their availability. One play through could see coffee more expensive than cigarettes. Another and vegetables (which are already pricey) can be the commodity everyone is after. In case I haven’t mentioned it already, you can make moonshine, which can be a nice little trade set up if you get enough of the resources. If trading is not your thing, you can try going into areas with heavily armed opposition and gunning your way through. It is another option, albeit, a risky one.

Unfortunately, it’s the combat that shows the clunky controls off. Too many times I would wind up in a situation where my character pushed the wrong person. A knife, or gun would come out and I would panic. Not because I was unsure if my aim would be off, or if the other guy was too tough for me to take on. I panicked because I wasn’t sure what the hell I was supposed to do. This game is definitely optimised for mouse and keyboard play because getting into cover is so clumsy with a controller. By the time you have highlighted the correct prompt to hide, you’re either too wounded to escape, or too dead to fight back. Close quarters combat stinks as well, due to the horrific animation loop that you can get stuck in from the enemy pistol whipping you again and again and again. And there is nothing you can do about it, except collapse into an inanimate meaty object. Suffice it to say, I found myself trying to keep away from the fighting whenever I could.

 

Apart from that, I am hooked on this game. The art style is dark, grainy and looks like an old, bleak oil painting come to life, but frozen in time. Each play through is completely different, making you feel like you are writing your own war story. When, and how, each of your characters die, or disappear, or even make it out the other side is never the same. And to an extent some of this stuff is out of your hands, which means you can be kept on edge about situations for a while. I like this though; each game is unique to you, and I’m sure no two people will ever have the same story to tell.

Simon Says...

So we're back and I'm writing for all you again... ...Yeah, it's been a few years, doesn't mean I've cheered up at all though, in fact, if anything, I am perfecting my aging grumpiness like a fine wine.

So, you might ask, what's got me mad enough to stir this old pot of stinking webshit up again...

Every game since we last wrote pretty much. The industry has sunk to new lows, the 'next gen' is basically had about as much graphical improvement and innovation as a hard disk defrag does. There is more DLC hold backs than ever. There are less games than ever (although apparently this isn't true, I swear games used to come out way more often when I was a kid - and yeah, that probably was because they were like 2mb not 54GB to be fair).

So what am I going to focus on for you?

Well, I recently bought a PS4, and with it; some games disapointments. Actually that's pretty unfair, I've been playing my PS4 a lot more than I thought I would, and a darn site more than I should be considering my gaming PC got a huge, expensive overhaul this xmas season (more on that another time). So what have I been playing you ask? Just Cause 3 I say.

It's a game about firing a grappling hook and an RPG all day, what more could you wa-RRRRRGHGHGLLLLLLLLGHH....

So yeah, I mean, I'm not impressed by anything on the PS4 other than how fast I can switch from a shitty game to watching Netfux, but really, honestly, it's been quite a disappointment so far. 

I bought the mega cool looking limited addition, all singing, all dancing, robotic blowjob model, 500GB Latest and Greatest, Michael Jackson, Bad, Dangerous, Off the fuckin' wall, Metal Gear Solid 5 model. Yeah, it looks sexy in red/gold/black, with custom grey metal controller and DD logo... So imagine how gutted I was when I started playing fucking MGS5. If you haven't played it, it's an amazing game - for the first hour - it blew me away, and I was as excited as could be - then the gameplay somewhat reached a plateau in ingenuity - it became routine. So fuck it, buy another game I told myself - Fallout 4 - Another disappointment - graphically looked like a ported update to New Vegas, not on par with all I'd seen on the PS4 at this stage (MGS5 - which does look awesome) Still I finished it and then had a huge hole in my PS4 life - what the hell do I do now - Look around for games... WHAT'S THIS?! Just Cause 3 is out?! Fuuuuu---- How didn't I hear about it?! - turns out no one did, it just sort of appeared on shelves, 'Sneaky fucking game developing wombles are to blame'  I thought to myself as I ordered it from eGay.

It arrived next day, so had to have a go as soon as i got home - now, I should mention at this stage, I have moved to North Wales recently; where the internet is stuck in 56k modems being delivered by postmen with no legs. I've honestly had better broadband in the bottom of a cornflake box when I lived in the big city - but only a 2gb patch on a game this big is not bad - unless you live here - 45 minutes of playing on the awkwardly titled 'Boom Boom Island' - Not what I thought it was going to be if you know what I mean...


Boom Boom Island was uninhabited... Didn't stop me getting some boom boom lemme tell ya... 

So when I finally get into the game, was it worth the wank/wait? Yeah, it's quite pretty, despite the huge and occasionally burdening frame rate issues (a common occurrence on the PS4 in my experience) and especially when I am comparing it to a lovely, new, high end PC.

Gameplay-wise, it's hugely enjoyable in short bursts, massively action packed, challenging but fluid, with perfect controls and enough plot to justify the ridiculously over the top, blow it all to fuck and then blow that fuck to shit attitude. It does however suffer with Assassin Creed-itus - in that it's very much go here, do the same thing you just did over and over - but at least what that last thing was, was being fucking awesome and blow shit up with a grenade launcher before flinging yourself like a BDSM spiderman at some indescript minion using a grappling hook that defies the laws of physics before stealing one of about 400 vehicles to go fuck his sister in, where as Ezio had to have a bit of a sit on a bench, then a bit of a slow walk with some nuns or something.

It's also, HUGE. The island is easily one of the biggest in a game of this style, in the series for sure, and possibly the biggest game map ever (bar some - so yeah, not really ever).

With like a million things to have to blow up, completion is unlikely for the average gamer, let alone the filthy casual. But determined gamers and completionists will enjoy the serious challenge of getting every last thing with red paint on blown to smithereens (for a prize, if someone can send me an explanation of what smithereens are - cause i assume they're Smithers from the Simpsons mum)

I'd say, despite it probably being the worst game I have on my PS4, it's actually my favourite. It's a shame it didn't get aboard the hype train as much as the other titles I was sucked into as this game genuinely deserves the recognition, it's just classic fun, and as much fun to play with a few drunk mates, trying to see how many goats you can launch like some fucked up drunk Afghani NASA - as it is to get stuck in to for the plot and find all the secret locations or beat a high score for wingsuiting for like 3 hours straight. I could say a lot more but want to leave some space for the other writers - there's only so much internet to put all this on...

(oh, yeah, forgot to say, it's good to be back, and to introduce my digital doodling to the writing, more to come!)