Monday 29 February 2016

Simon Says...

There comes a time when a man plays a game and realises it's just not that good. Sadly these days, it comes too often for my liking. Like a grandparent that can't take the hint that you don't like spending Saturdays in the living room discussing the war. That's right, I'm back, the grumpy old bastard mode is fully engaged again. Hoo-fuckin'-rah.

So... ...you know the question... ...What's got me mad this week?

To be honest, I'm not that mad about it, just disappointed. Maybe I'm getting soft, or maybe games are getting better. With less and less AAA releases happening as development now takes 1 millenia to produce a hashed sequel to a game that barely scraped a 'good' the first time it was spunked onto the market, the way forward is opening up nicely for Indies, and, they're really coming up with some of the best games I've played since the 16bit era. But with every greenlighted kickstarter early access pre beta alpha release title - they can't all be brilliant.

Spoiler Alert: I thought it was SUPER SHIT
This is something i've brought up before, I'm pretty tired of playing a gimmick - that has bags of potential, but never ever gets used or developed again. EG Enviromental Destruction in Red Faction 2 was incredible, but graphically poor - nothing has come close to being as useful in a game since, which is a shame. Arguable that BattleField 3/4 did but it still seems more of an animation than real time.

So, innovation is the indie dev's best weapon in my opinion and this week I tried out a game I'd seen around but never rushed to get, SUPER HOT. A title you'll get to hear a LOT if you play it. It's innovative, modern, crisp, indie, action-packed. So why didn't I like it. Well... ...It's not fun. There I said it. I feel better.

The game revolves around you controlling time with your movement, and spoon feeds you this idea slowly but with a defined and underlined point to make - it isn't easy. Time stops completely unless you move, reload, shoot, punch etc, now that's fun, it's like Max Payne bullet time but also like video editing a puzzle. You work out the best way to fight, kill, disarm red man shaped crystal people and dodge bullets and then once you clear the level, you get a real time action replay - but the whole time it shouts in your face SUPER HOT like a fucking excited facebook page. That pissed me off nearly as much as the replays; Now maybe it's how I played, but I doubt I was the only one who did this: The replay - it's not fluid movement like some John Woo action scene where doves fly out my butt as I flying kicked a guys gun into another guys dickhole to kill them both with their own chins. It's a jittery movement filled stylized nightmare as i slowly edged my way around the colourless environments trying to ensure i didn't miss a magic pop-up asshole ready to kill me in a number of ways.

Also, i mentioned it's a puzzler. But it cheats. It changes the fucking puzzle. In example, say I drop into a room, there are 3 men to kill - 2 have guns this attempt, and one a baseball bat. I kill the bat man (simple) and one of the gunmen, before being shot. (hey, it was my first go!) well, attempt two may see me fight an unarmed man and two guys with bats - always in the same place, but no guns changes things a lot and that ruined the puzzle solving - trial and error isn't necessarily the best way forward - which is silly for a game that clearly runs on the mechanic of LIVE DIE REPEAT in order to progress.

How I wanted to treat my monitors after the 156th SUPER HOT was yelled into my face...
The next thing that ruined my life this week was the less than innovative 'you're a person sat at a computer' theme, that's right, you don't start Super Hot in the action, you start with a DOS style screen, and you're some kind of hackerman at the keyboard... This is a common occurrence these days, third partying you from the action - see assassins creed for example.

I don't like it, it's fine to style the start screen as a DOS environment, but leave it there, all the flashing screen glitches just gave me a headache and likely a tumour. It wasn't needed and did nothing to further the plot of the game. Try it to understand.

Overall, it's very polished, very playable, but really didn't do it for me, it's action packed, but broken down into a jittery mess in the replays (and no, it's not graphical its the replay of me moving 1/5 of a step at a time to budge that time forward a few inches) and the overall gameplay kept my attention for about 5 levels before i realised it's hardwork for no reward. I wasn't gripped, my shit was gripped so for that, it gets a thumb down from me. That's better, grumpy me. It's good to be back.

Who dares to let me play their game next then...